7 Oct 2010 - i really loved him

He was a fool for walking away for I really loved him. Loved him the way he was. Never wanted him to change. Obviously there were things about him that got to me. But then again, who is perfect? I still loved him just as much.

wished that he would have spent more time with me. I know he is in difficult situation. However, still wanted to be his priority. Still wanted to be important enough. And when I did not feel that way, of cos I got upset. I felt taken for granted. I felt unloved.

Obviously I had my issues. I was struggling at work, struggling to adapt to the Australian culture and making new friends and having them love me for who I am. I was struggling with my self-worth. Struggling to see my own value and not base it on how other people had reacted to me or treated me in my life time.

And of cos there were the daily hurdles that everyone else went through in life.

but amidst all of that, I tried to cope. But he never understood. He went off into his own world thinking he was not good enough for me and had to change and couldnt change. he could not give up what he had - his free time and his friends. It was a change for me too. But i dealt with it cos I loved him. spending time with him was more important that spending time with my friends. although i would not make the mistake of neglecting my friends in order to spend time with him. i did not want to give up my life because of him, but i was willing to sacrifice some of it and make some changes.

i guess he was just not up for it.

i really miss him and wished that he would be able to see the light of everything. but its all out of my hands already. it is in God's hands. If God doesnt bring us together again, then it means He thinks that we are not good for each other.

He has been involved in both our lives, from the start of our prayers, to after the split. I believe that He is still invovled, even though I do not see the changes, I do not see the results. I still believe that God is invovled. He will not leave me alone. He will not leave the relationship alone. He will finish what He started and He started on this relationship project, so He will finish it.

I do not know what is going to happen. I do not know if we will be back together. I wish that we would. but that is up to God. If He says no, then I would rather follow what He says cos He knows best and everything He plans is for my good. I will listen and not rebel.

My faith is in Him.

I have been receiving alot of teaching regarding Faith in God, Peace in Jesus and dealing with Storms in my life. I believe there is something that God is showing me. He normally shows me things before they happen. Such as the book and sermon on storms in my life before the real storm happened.

God is good and He has good plans for my life. Plans to prosper me, not to hurt me. Plans that will give me hope for my final outcome.

I will lean in and hold on to that promise!