Started the day cranky and angry. Went back to sleep and woke up feeling better. Thank God!
Had a really busy day. Felt fruitful for awhile, with all the “additional” work to do. But got overwhelmed by the time I got back to the office. Regardless, got most of what I needed done. So that’s good.
Had dinner with sophie’s husband and his friends. Cant say much bout one of them. Don’t mean to be rude, but he is really not my type. Physically he is already a turn off. The other guy looked better, however I am just far from being ready. I dun even wana have friends. I am not interested. Don’t mean to be a snob, but ended up that way. What to do. This is not my forte.
Although I said I wont talk bout Toulia, but couldn’t help bring him up in conversation. Have to stop. Its ok. Every moment is a new moment. One day, I will no longer talk about him at all. Not even think about him.
I swore to God (although I know I’m not supposed to) that I will no longer date any guy who is younger than myself. Although that does not leave me with much choice, but at least that keeps me safe. I want a family. I yearn to be a mom and to have a family of my own. But if that is not for me then forget it. There’s nothing much I can do if God doesn’t want to open the doors. Although I do believe that God has great plans for me. I don’t know what it is though. But He did promise that if I were to keep my eyes on His kingdom of righteousness, He will provide for everything else. So that’s my focus – Jesus and the work that Jesus did on the cross!
I know there’s a lot of things I need to change. But I think the main core thing I need to sort out is my value. People say I need to know my value in God. That’s a concept that’s just too far fetched for me at the moment. So I’ll just focus on knowing my value. After all these years of criticism and constant reminder about my faults (or rather just that one seemingly big fault) I cant help but to think that that is all that I am. I have forgotten who I am already. I no longer know who I am.
Who am i? who can help me answer that question?
Daddy God, You made me. Can You tell me who I am? I seem to be a horrible people in everyone’s eyes. Mean, rude, bad tempered, impatient, loud, judgmental, you name it. But a part of me knows that that is not true. Then what is the truth? Who am i?
It is written that I am beautifully and wonderfully made/crafted. But what does that mean? Does it refer to my appearance? Or does it refer to my heart? And if it refers to my heart, then how come my behavior does not match up?
Oh wells… I think God has purified my spirit, cos it is the spirit from Jesus – the Holy Spirit. But my soul has a lot of work to do to catch up. So it is going through a cleansing process now. I don’t like it, but I know that when it I finished, I will be a very different person.
I will be confident. Not just seem confident, but I will be confident. I will know who I am and not easily get offended and ticked off cos someone tried to put me down or disregarded me. It no longer matters, cos my focus is God. My focus is Jesus. I cant wait for that day. I don’t know when it will happen. So I constantly practice it now. Doesn’t matter if I fall. We all do fall. But what matters is that I keep getting up. And keep on continuing the journey. I am tired. I don’t wana talk. But I have not yet had my quiet time with God. I miss Him today. I didn’t get to talk much to Him today. Somehow I just cant get enough of Him.
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